Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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