Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
