If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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