Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
