Will you blow on my dice?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
