I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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