i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
