hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ok first of all what the fuck
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
