She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
