There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize