Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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