I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
