just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
