I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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