he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize