She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
