An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
