he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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