FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
