Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
