I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
