My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
