God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
