Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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