im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As shirtless as possible
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
