im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize