Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
