plz talk dirty to me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
