You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
