Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
