He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
