you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
