We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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