is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
