We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize