I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
