i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
