You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
