Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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