You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
