The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
