I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
