1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
