thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
