soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
