That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
