so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
