you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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