I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
