My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
