3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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