Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
