half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
