why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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