He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
