She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
