just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
