Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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