this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
