Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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