naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I got her a Nickelback box set.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
