Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
