You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
