your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
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