youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
