you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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