Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
