Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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