Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
