he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
