Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
id be glad to
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
