My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
