I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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