After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
