areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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