Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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