Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
