Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
